Chapter 94 : Thoughts on Turning 19

You know there's this saying:

"If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it's going to happen anyhow."

- Mitch Albom

Which is pretty much what I'm going through in my life right now. So I just turned 19 not long ago, say 3 weeks back? I know some people will still say you're still a teenager/young adult but if you think about it, I'm hitting my twenties next year. Frankly speaking, it's kind of scary to think about, especially when you spent your life as a helpless baby to a cute toddler and evolving to that annoying kid phase to being a rebellious teen and you're somewhat going into your next phase, adulthood. It's just like a welcome slap in a face and welcome to real world where no one's going to guide you or treat you as a kid/teen anymore, but expect a lot from you. It's common for people to think that at this age you should know what you should do with your life and where you're going to go.

You could say that I didn't live as much for the past 18 years or I wouldn't be writing this post or how negative it's starting to sound turning older. As a kid I've always wanted to be independent and I guess I somewhat did, especially since I was an only child and didn't really had anyone else around my age to look up to or rely on. Thus, I took on a lot from my mom. For a kid, wanting to be independent and thinking maturely didn't really match up to my age, I've constantly felt that I don't behave like my age at all which is kind of hilarious when you think about it. For instance, when I was 10 I had an obsession with shirts cause I thought it'd make me look older and more mature so for like a period of time I would only wear shirts at home and out and shun from T-Shirts. I was a weird kid thinking about it now.

I have to admit that as much as I'm not optimistic about turning 19, another part of me wants to be older and get through life and the significant milestones like getting my driver's license, graduating from poly and uni, moving out and living on my own and finding the one and I had this mentality that once I pass through these moments, my life will somewhat "begin" but I was so wrong after seeing this on Twitter. (Who says you can't learn anything meaningful from Twitter right?) 

What's the point of going through these milestones if I don't remember or stopped to see how I got pass it in the first place, it'll be like I'm running a meaningless marathon in this rat race we call life.

Perhaps it's still that I'm trying to sink in the fact that I've turned 19 and the responsibilities will start to pile with every passing year. I shall end off this post the way I started, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." I guess in my case, it does matter, just a tad bit?

[ *Don't let my post be a spoiler for those of you growing older or turning 19 as well, this is just simply how I feel right now and I believe we're all different. I've had friends who really enjoyed turning 19! :) ]